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#1 2018-07-28 01:37:26

ganesh
Administrator
Registered: 2005-06-28
Posts: 26,294

Sundry Jokes

Q: What happens if you eat yeast and shoe polish?
A: Every morning you'll rise and shine!
* * *
Q: What do barristers wear to court?
A: Lawsuits!
* * *
Q: What do you call a fat psychic?
A: A four chin teller.
* * *
Q: What is it called when a cat wins a dog show?
A: A CAT-HAS-TROPHY!
* * *
Q: What did the femur say to the patella?
A: I kneed you.
* * *
Q: Why did the picture go to jail?
A: Because it was framed.
* * *
Q: What do you get when you cross fish and an elephant?
A: Swimming trunks.
* * *
Q: Who earns a living driving their customers away?
A: An uber driver.
* * *
Q: What kind of jokes do you make in the shower?
A: Clean Jokes!
* * *
Q: What did the baby corn say to the mama corn?
A: "Where's Popcorn?"
* * *
Q: What do you call sad coffee?
A: Despresso.
* * *
Q: What happened to the dog that swallowed a firefly?
A: It barked with de-light!
* * *
Q: What do you call a man with no body and just a nose?
A: Nobody nose.
* * *
Q: Why did the giraffe get bad grades?
A: He had his head in the clouds.
* * *
Q: Why are frogs so happy?
A: They eat whatever bugs them.
* * *


It is no good to try to stop knowledge from going forward. Ignorance is never better than knowledge - Enrico Fermi. 

Nothing is better than reading and gaining more and more knowledge - Stephen William Hawking.

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#2 2018-07-28 01:56:54

ganesh
Administrator
Registered: 2005-06-28
Posts: 26,294

Re: Sundry Jokes

Q: How do you make an Octupus laugh?
A: With ten-tickles.
* * *
Q: What is the tallest building in the world?
A: The library! It has the most stories!
* * *
Q: What's the first bet that most people make in their lives?
A: The alpha bet.
* * *
Q:  What do you get when you cross a cow and a duck?
A: Milk and quackers!
* * *
Q: What do you call a sleeping bull?
A: A bulldozer!
* * *
Q: Why do fish live in salt water?
A: Because pepper makes them sneeze!
* * *
Q: Did you hear about the hairdresser?
A: She dyed.
* * *
Q: What do you call a musician with problems?
A: A trebled man.
* * *
Q: Did you hear about the carrot detective?
A: He got to the root of every case.
* * *
Q: Why can't you take a nap during a race?
A: Because if you snooze, you loose!
* * *
Q: What washes up on very small beaches?
A: Microwaves!
* * *
Q: Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a can of soda?
A: He was lucky it was a soft drink.
* * *
Q: What do you call purple when it is being mean?
A: Violent.
* * *
Q: What do you get when you cross a fridge with a radio?
A: Cool Music.
* * *
Q: Why couldn't the pirate play cards?
A: Because he was sitting on the deck!
* * *
Q: What starts with a R, ends with an L, and has a million letters in it?
A: Royal Mail!
* * *
Q: What do you call a belt with a watch on it?
A: A waist of time!
* * *


It is no good to try to stop knowledge from going forward. Ignorance is never better than knowledge - Enrico Fermi. 

Nothing is better than reading and gaining more and more knowledge - Stephen William Hawking.

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#3 2018-07-28 18:34:05

ganesh
Administrator
Registered: 2005-06-28
Posts: 26,294

Re: Sundry Jokes

Q: Why do sea-gulls fly over the sea?
A: Because if they flew over the bay they would be bagels!
* * *
Q: What do you call a condiment with a hit single?
A: A must"heard".
* * *
Q: What do you call two fat people having a chat?
A: A heavy discussion.
* * *
Q: Why don't skeletons fight each other?
A: They don't have the guts.
* * *
Q: What do you call a nervous javelin thrower?
A: Shakespeare.
* * *
Q: Why did the boy tiptoe past the medicine cabinet?
A: He didn't want to wake the sleeping pills!
* * *
Q: What do you call a horse that can't lose a race?
A: Sherbet.
* *
Q: What's easy to get into but hard to get out of?
A: Trouble.
* * *
Q: What stays on the ground but never gets dirty?
A: Shadow.
* * *
Q: What do you call a magician on a plane?
A: A flying sorcerer!
* * *
Q: Why did Mr. Bean put a clock under his desk?
A: Because he wanted to work over-time!
* * *
Q: What did the tailor think of her new job?
A: It was sew sew.
* * *
Q: Can I tell you a joke about paper?
A: Nah, never mind, its tearable.
* * *
Q: Why did the soccer player bring string to the game?
A: So he could tie the score.
* * *
Q: Why is a baseball team similar to a muffin?
A: They both depend on the batter.
* * *
Q: Why do watermelons have fancy weddings?
A: Because they cantaloupe.
* * *
Q: Have you heard the joke about the butter?
A: I better not tell you, it might spread.
* * *
Q: How do footballers stay cool?
A: They sit next to their fans.
* * *


It is no good to try to stop knowledge from going forward. Ignorance is never better than knowledge - Enrico Fermi. 

Nothing is better than reading and gaining more and more knowledge - Stephen William Hawking.

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#4 2018-07-29 01:17:18

ganesh
Administrator
Registered: 2005-06-28
Posts: 26,294

Re: Sundry Jokes

Q: What runs but doesn't get anywhere?
A: A fridge.
* * *
Q: Why can't a leopard hide?
A: Because he's always spotted!
* * *
Q: What kind of flower doesn't sleep at night?
A: The Day-zzz.
* * *
Q: How do you know that carrots are good for your eyesight?
A: Have you ever seen a rabbit wearing glasses?
* * *
Q: Why are some fish at the bottom of the ocean?
A: Because they dropped out of school!
* * *
Q: What goes up and down but doesn't move?
A: The temperature!
* * *
Q: What do bulls do when they go shopping?
A: They Charge!
* * *
Q: Where do boats go when they get sick?
A: The dock.
* * *
Q: What do you call leftover aliens?
A: Extra Terrestrials.
* * *
Q: Did you hear the joke about the germ?
A: Never mind. I don't want to spread it around.
* * *
Q: Why did the scarecrow win the Nobel prize?
A: Because he was outstanding in his field.
* * *
Q: What pet makes the loudest noise?
A: A trum-pet!
* * *
Q: Did you hear about the kidnapping?
A: He woke up.
* * *
Q: What word looks the same backwards and upside down?
A: Swims.
* * *
Q: How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh?
A: Tentacles.
* * *


It is no good to try to stop knowledge from going forward. Ignorance is never better than knowledge - Enrico Fermi. 

Nothing is better than reading and gaining more and more knowledge - Stephen William Hawking.

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#5 2018-08-09 00:33:46

ganesh
Administrator
Registered: 2005-06-28
Posts: 26,294

Re: Sundry Jokes

Q: What do you get if you a cross a card game with a typhoon?
A: Bridge over troubled water.
* * *
Q: Have you ever tried to eat a clock?
A: It's very time consuming.
* * *
Q: Did you hear about the ghost comedian?
A: He was booed off stage.
* * *
Q: What kind of emotions do noses feel?
A: Nostralgia.
* * *
Q: Why did the dog cross the road?
A: To get to the "barking" lot!
* * *
Q: How do spiders communicate?
A: Through the World Wide Web.
* * *
Q: Why are chefs so mean?
A: They beat eggs and whip cream.
* * *
Q: When I was young there was only 25 letters in the Alphabet. Reason?
A: Nobody new why.
* * *
Q: Did you hear about the circus fire?
A: Yeah, it was in'tents'.
* * *
Q: Why did the hot dog turn down a chance to star in a major motion picture?
A: None of the rolls (roles) were good enough.
* * *
Q: Did you hear about the new corduroy pillowcases?
A: Their making headlines...
* * *
Q: Why did the girl bring lipstick and eye shadow to school?
A: She had a make-up exam!
* * *
Q: What did a sign say outside the pet shop?
A: Buy 1 dog get 1 flea!
* * *
Q: Why did the insomniac man get arrested?
A: He resisted a rest.
* * *
Q: Why did the music teacher need a ladder?
A: To reach the high notes.
* * *
Q: What music are balloons scared of?
A: Pop music.
* * *
Q: What do you call a book that's about the brain?
A: A mind reader.
* * *
Q: What's the difference between a cat and a frog?
A: A Cat has nine lives but a Frog croaks every night!
* * *
Q: What four letters will frighten a burglar?
A: O I C U.
* * *


It is no good to try to stop knowledge from going forward. Ignorance is never better than knowledge - Enrico Fermi. 

Nothing is better than reading and gaining more and more knowledge - Stephen William Hawking.

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