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#1 2015-03-02 00:51:12

ganesh
Administrator
Registered: 2005-06-28
Posts: 26,107

One Liners

The only time incorrectly isn’t spelled incorrectly is when it’s spelled incorrectly.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Sleep is my drug….my bed is my dealer….and my alarm clock is the police.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

If I’ve told you once, I’ve told you a million times don’t exaggerate!

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Today a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation towards the local swimming pool. I gave him a glass of water.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

What if there were no hypothetical situations?

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

If an anonymous comment goes unread, is it…

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Every novel is a mystery novel if you never…

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

I can still remember a time when I knew more than…

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Where are Average Things Manufactured?  The satisfactory.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn’t work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of payments.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt.


It is no good to try to stop knowledge from going forward. Ignorance is never better than knowledge - Enrico Fermi. 

Nothing is better than reading and gaining more and more knowledge - Stephen William Hawking.

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#2 2015-03-02 10:21:26

bobbym
bumpkin
From: Bumpkinland
Registered: 2009-04-12
Posts: 109,606

Re: One Liners

Hi;

The last one was my Mom's favorite.


In mathematics, you don't understand things. You just get used to them.
If it ain't broke, fix it until it is.
Always satisfy the Prime Directive of getting the right answer above all else.

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#3 2015-03-02 12:38:14

Agnishom
Real Member
From: Riemann Sphere
Registered: 2011-01-29
Posts: 24,857
Website

Re: One Liners

It is not a joke.


'And fun? If maths is fun, then getting a tooth extraction is fun. A viral infection is fun. Rabies shots are fun.'
'God exists because Mathematics is consistent, and the devil exists because we cannot prove it'
I'm not crazy, my mother had me tested.

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#4 2015-03-02 12:39:38

bobbym
bumpkin
From: Bumpkinland
Registered: 2009-04-12
Posts: 109,606

Re: One Liners

But it is a one-liner.


In mathematics, you don't understand things. You just get used to them.
If it ain't broke, fix it until it is.
Always satisfy the Prime Directive of getting the right answer above all else.

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#5 2015-03-02 12:54:17

Agnishom
Real Member
From: Riemann Sphere
Registered: 2011-01-29
Posts: 24,857
Website

Re: One Liners

The same with the last post.


'And fun? If maths is fun, then getting a tooth extraction is fun. A viral infection is fun. Rabies shots are fun.'
'God exists because Mathematics is consistent, and the devil exists because we cannot prove it'
I'm not crazy, my mother had me tested.

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#6 2015-03-03 01:15:56

ganesh
Administrator
Registered: 2005-06-28
Posts: 26,107

Re: One Liners

Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

War does not determine who is right – only who is left.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia: Fear of long words.

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The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

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I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.

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Plan to be spontaneous – tomorrow.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

A computer program will always do what you tell it to, and seldom what you want it to.

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Laugh at your problems, everybody else does.

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My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I am right.


It is no good to try to stop knowledge from going forward. Ignorance is never better than knowledge - Enrico Fermi. 

Nothing is better than reading and gaining more and more knowledge - Stephen William Hawking.

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#7 2015-03-28 08:01:52

Olinguito
Member
Registered: 2014-08-12
Posts: 649

Re: One Liners

San Andreas should be blamed for all the earthquake activity in California because it's his fault.


Bassaricyon neblina

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#8 2018-02-01 01:19:03

ganesh
Administrator
Registered: 2005-06-28
Posts: 26,107

Re: One Liners

Your debt will stay with you if you can't budge it.
* * *
She had a boyfriend with a wooden leg, but broke it off.
* * *
Calendar days are numbered.
* * *
What kind of tree do fingers grow on? A palm tree.
* * *
A pessimist's blood type is always B-.
* * *
What did the grape say when the elephant stepped on it? Nothing, it just let out a little whine.
* * *
Every morning is the dawn of a new error.
* * *
A gossip is someone with a great sense of rumor.
* * *
Reading while sunbathing makes you well, red.
* * *
A man's home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.
* * *
If you don't pay your exorcist, will you get repossessed?
* * *
He had a photographic memory that was never developed.
* * *
Acupuncture is a jab well done.
* * *
When you dream in color, it's a pigment of your imagination.
* * *


It is no good to try to stop knowledge from going forward. Ignorance is never better than knowledge - Enrico Fermi. 

Nothing is better than reading and gaining more and more knowledge - Stephen William Hawking.

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#9 2018-02-03 16:05:21

ganesh
Administrator
Registered: 2005-06-28
Posts: 26,107

Re: One Liners

Work harder: millions on welfare depend on you.
* * *
Better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt.
* * *
How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
* * *
Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.
* * *
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
* * *
Lord, if I can’t be skinny, please let all my friends be fat.
* * *
War does not determine who is right – only who is left.
* * *
Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia: Fear of long words.
* * *
A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station..
* * *
It’s not the fall that kills you; it’s the sudden stop at the end.
* * *
First things first, but not necessarily in that order.
* * *
Plan to be spontaneous – tomorrow.
* * *
A computer program will always do what you tell it to, and seldom what you want it to.
* * *
Materialism: buying things we don’t need with money we don’t have to impress people that don’t matter.
* * *
Laugh at your problems, everybody else does.
* * *
My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
* * *
Hospitality: making your guests feel like they’re at home, even if you wish they were.
* * *
The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!
* * *


It is no good to try to stop knowledge from going forward. Ignorance is never better than knowledge - Enrico Fermi. 

Nothing is better than reading and gaining more and more knowledge - Stephen William Hawking.

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#10 2018-02-03 18:29:16

Alg Num Theory
Member
Registered: 2017-11-24
Posts: 338
Website

Re: One Liners

Never fight fire with fire. Always fight fire with water. It’s more effective.
***
Like attracts like. (With the exception of electric charges and magnetic poles.)
***
Be a member of the Self Preservation Society: do whatever it takes to stay alive, even if it kills you!
***

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#11 2018-02-03 20:02:06

ganesh
Administrator
Registered: 2005-06-28
Posts: 26,107

Re: One Liners

When your only tool is a hammer, all problems start looking like nails.
* * *
Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have.
* * *
Time doesn't exist. Clocks exist.
* * *
There is no dance without the dancers.
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A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don’t need it.
* * *
What is faster Hot or cold? Hot, because you can catch a cold.
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Love may be blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener.
* * *
Why did the scientist install a knocker on his door? He wanted to win the No-bell prize!
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If you can’t convince them, confuse them.
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Eat right. Stay fit. Die anyway.
* * *
I can handle pain until it hurts.
* * *


It is no good to try to stop knowledge from going forward. Ignorance is never better than knowledge - Enrico Fermi. 

Nothing is better than reading and gaining more and more knowledge - Stephen William Hawking.

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#12 2018-02-04 17:36:38

Monox D. I-Fly
Member
From: Indonesia
Registered: 2015-12-02
Posts: 1,269

Re: One Liners

ganesh wrote:

Better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt.
* * *

This is one of the reasons why, as one of my coworkers asked last weekend, I like getting bullied.


Actually I never watch Star Wars and not interested in it anyway, but I choose a Yoda card as my avatar in honor of our great friend bobbym who has passed away. May his adventurous soul rest in peace at heaven.

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#13 2018-02-04 21:04:44

ganesh
Administrator
Registered: 2005-06-28
Posts: 26,107

Re: One Liners

Monox D. I-Fly wrote:
ganesh wrote:

Better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt.
* * *

This is one of the reasons why, as one of my coworkers asked last weekend, I like getting bullied.

True. Silence is the best thing to practice, Monox D. I-Fly, isn't it?

* * *
Atheists don't solve exponential equations because they don't believe in higher powers.
* * *
What's the difference between a poorly dressed man on a bicycle and a nicely dressed man on a tricycle? A tire.
* * *
I used to be addicted to soap, but I'm clean now.
* * *
I wasn't originally going to get a brain transplant, but then I changed my mind.
* * *
Don't spell part backwards. It's a trap.
* * *
If a child refuses to sleep during nap time, are they guilty of resisting a rest?
* * *
I used to build stairs for a living, it's an up and down business.
* * *
I'd tell you a chemistry joke but I know I wouldn't get a reaction.
* * *
Did you hear about the man who jumped off a bridge in France? He was in Sein.
* * *
My tennis opponent was not happy with my serve. He kept returning it.
* * *
I'm glad I know sign language, it's pretty handy.
* * *
What do you call a cow during an earthquake? A milkshake.
* * *
To the mathematicians who thought of the idea of zero, thanks for nothing!
* * *
A teacher asks a student, "Are you ignorant or just apathetic?" The kid answers, "I don't know and I don't care."
* * *
A book just fell on my head. I've only got myshelf to blame.
* * *
The best time to open a gift is the present.
* * *
My math teacher called me average. How mean!
* * *
I tried to escape the Apple store. I couldn't because there were no Windows.
* * *
Anyone who wanted to sell fish had to get permission from grandpa. He was known as the cod father.
* * *


It is no good to try to stop knowledge from going forward. Ignorance is never better than knowledge - Enrico Fermi. 

Nothing is better than reading and gaining more and more knowledge - Stephen William Hawking.

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#14 2018-02-05 13:03:38

Monox D. I-Fly
Member
From: Indonesia
Registered: 2015-12-02
Posts: 1,269

Re: One Liners

ganesh wrote:
Monox D. I-Fly wrote:
ganesh wrote:

Better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt.
* * *

This is one of the reasons why, as one of my coworkers asked last weekend, I like getting bullied.

True. Silence is the best thing to practice, Monox D. I-Fly, isn't it?

Yup. That's why my favorite element is water. Even though it seems weak and harmless, it can kill people with many various ways.


Actually I never watch Star Wars and not interested in it anyway, but I choose a Yoda card as my avatar in honor of our great friend bobbym who has passed away. May his adventurous soul rest in peace at heaven.

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#15 2018-02-05 16:03:03

ganesh
Administrator
Registered: 2005-06-28
Posts: 26,107

Re: One Liners

True, Monox D. I-Fly!

Continued:

Were there any great men born in this town? No only little babies.
* * *
"The bank has returned your check." "Great. What can we buy with it this time?"
* * *
My wife does bird imitations. She always watches me like hawk.
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I was born on the 1st of the month, so they called me Bill!
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"When is it your birthday, I would like to get you a present!" "You are way too late. I was born many years ago."
* * *
He stayed up all night studying for his blood test.
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He thought he was clever because his blood test results said A+.
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"Quick operator send an S.O.S!" "How do you spell that?"
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I can't give him a book as a gift. He may already have one.
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Why are there no asprins in the jungle? Because the Parots-ate-em-all.
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What do you call a camel with 3 humps? Humphreys!
* * *
What do cows do for entertainment? They rent moovies!
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I just found out I'm colorblind. The diagnosis came completely out of the purple.
* * *
What did E.T.'s mother say to him when he got home? "Where on Earth have you been?!"
* * *
I don't engage in mental combat with the unarmed.
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No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.
* * *
If anything is possible, is it possible for something to be impossible?
* * *
When is a door not a door? When it's ajar.
* * *
What did the farmer say when his hay started blowing away? Hay, come back!
* * *
What do ghosts serve for dessert? I Scream.
* * *


It is no good to try to stop knowledge from going forward. Ignorance is never better than knowledge - Enrico Fermi. 

Nothing is better than reading and gaining more and more knowledge - Stephen William Hawking.

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#16 2018-02-05 18:17:14

ganesh
Administrator
Registered: 2005-06-28
Posts: 26,107

Re: One Liners

The first computer dates back to Adam and Eve. It was an Apple with limited memory, just one byte. And then everything crashed.
* * *
We can't help everyone, but everyone can help someone.
* * *
The reason a dog has so many friends is that he wags his tail instead of his tongue.
* * *
Failure is not falling down, it is not getting up again.
* * *
I won $3 million on the lottery this weekend so I decided to donate a quarter of it to charity. Now I have $2,999,999.75.
* * *
Girl, if you were a dinosaur, you'd be a Gorgeousaurus!
* * *
Time may be a great healer but it's also a lousy beautician.
* * *
I named my dog 6 miles so I can tell people that I walk 6 miles every single day.
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An old teacher asked her student, "If I say, 'I am beautiful,' which tense is that?" The student replied, "It is obviously past."
* * *
Clinging on to past and living is like driving forward while watching the rear view mirror...
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Better to understand a little than to misunderstand a lot.
* * *
People used to laugh at me when I would say "I want to be a comedian", well nobody's laughing now.
* * *
Aging gracefully is like the nice way of saying you're slowly looking worse.
* * *
The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.
* * *
Scientists say the universe is made up of Protons, Neutrons, and Electrons. They forgot to mention Morons.
* * *
Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home.
* * *
I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.
* * *


It is no good to try to stop knowledge from going forward. Ignorance is never better than knowledge - Enrico Fermi. 

Nothing is better than reading and gaining more and more knowledge - Stephen William Hawking.

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#17 2018-02-06 18:29:23

ganesh
Administrator
Registered: 2005-06-28
Posts: 26,107

Re: One Liners

The only knowledge that can hurt you is the knowledge you don't have.
* * *
Never trust a dog to watch your food.
* * *
An optimist believes that we live in the best world. A pessimist is afraid that it might be true.
* * *
God gave us the brain to work out problems. However, we use it to create more problems.
* * *
Occasionally, a true friend gives his paw not his hand...
* * *
Don't be afraid to stand for what you believe in, even if that means standing alone.
* * *
A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman's birthday but never remembers her age.
* * *
The road to success is always under construction.
* * *
At what age is it appropriate to tell my dog that he's adopted?
* * *
A friend is like a book: you don't need to read all of them, just pick the best ones.
* * *
You can make a water-bed more bouncy by using spring water.
* * *
Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
* * *
Scientists say the universe is made up of Protons, Neutrons, and Electrons. They forgot to mention Morons.
* * *
I hate people who use big words just to make themselves look perspicacious.
* * *
My mind's made up, don't confuse me with facts.
* * *
Everyone my age is older than me...
* * *
I bought a vacuum cleaner six months ago and so far all it's been doing is gathering dust.
* * *
Nothing is fool proof to a sufficiently talented fool.
* * *
The reward for a job well done is more work.
* * *


It is no good to try to stop knowledge from going forward. Ignorance is never better than knowledge - Enrico Fermi. 

Nothing is better than reading and gaining more and more knowledge - Stephen William Hawking.

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#18 2018-02-07 15:06:55

ganesh
Administrator
Registered: 2005-06-28
Posts: 26,107

Re: One Liners

It's funny, when I walk into a spider web I demolish his home and misplace his dinner yet I still feel like the victim.
* * *
"Hi, I'm writing a phone book, can I have your number?"
* * *
Time waits for no man, time is obviously a woman.
* * *
Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.
* * *
We come to love not by finding a perfect person... but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly.
* * *
Somewhere an elderly lady reads a book on how to use the internet, while a young boy googles "how to read a book".
* * *
I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not too sure.
* * *
Why kill time when you can make it work for you?
* * *
Some of us learn from the mistakes of others; the rest of us have to be the others.
* * *
A man walks into the doctors and the doctor says, "I've not seen you for a while." The man replies, "Yes, I've been ill."
* * *
My friend asked me to describe myself in 3 words... "Lazy."
* * *
My girlfriend told me she was leaving me because I keep pretending to be a Transformer. I said, "No, wait! I can change."
* * *


It is no good to try to stop knowledge from going forward. Ignorance is never better than knowledge - Enrico Fermi. 

Nothing is better than reading and gaining more and more knowledge - Stephen William Hawking.

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#19 2018-02-07 16:06:56

ganesh
Administrator
Registered: 2005-06-28
Posts: 26,107

Re: One Liners

Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
* * *
Life is all about perspective. The sinking of the Titanic was a miracle to the lobsters in the ship's kitchen.
* * *
The grass may be greener on the other side but at least you don't have to mow it.
* * *
Are you made of beryllium, gold, and titanium? You must be because you are BeAuTi-ful.
* * *
I'm great at multitasking. I can waste time, be unproductive, and procrastinate all at once.
* * *
Don't be irreplaceable - if you cannot be replaced, you cannot be promoted.
* * *
Are you made of copper and tellurium? Because you're CuTe!
* * *
I would like to thank everybody that stuck by my side for those five long minutes my house didn't have internet.
* * *
Beauty is only skin deep ...but ugly goes all the way to the bone!
* * *
Wise people think all they say, fools say all they think.
* * *
A man to a woman," Did you see my watch? I was so busy that I didn't have time to find it."
* * *
"Room service." "Honeymoon salad." "What's that?" "Lettuce alone."
* * *
Strong people don't put others down. They lift them up and slam them on the ground for maximum damage.
* * *
My doctor told me that jogging could add years to my life. He was right—I feel ten years older already.
* * *
If you think nobody cares whether you're alive, try missing a couple of payments.
* * *


It is no good to try to stop knowledge from going forward. Ignorance is never better than knowledge - Enrico Fermi. 

Nothing is better than reading and gaining more and more knowledge - Stephen William Hawking.

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#20 2018-02-07 20:33:09

ganesh
Administrator
Registered: 2005-06-28
Posts: 26,107

Re: One Liners

Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.
* * *
You're like a candy bar: half sweet and half nuts.
* * *
Whatever you do always give 100 %. Unless you are donating blood.
* * *
A wise man once said... Nothing, he only listened.
* * *
Every morning is the dawn of a new error.
* * *
Dream carefully, because dreams come true.
* * *
I hate peer pressure and you should too.
* * *
Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
* * *
Two fish are sitting in a tank. One looks over at the other and says: "Hey, do you know how to drive this thing?"
* * *
It's ok computer, I go to sleep after 20 minutes of inactivity too.
* * *
Now what's on the menu? Me-n-u!
* * *
I found a rock yesterday which measured 1760 yards in length. Must be some kind of milestone.
* * *


It is no good to try to stop knowledge from going forward. Ignorance is never better than knowledge - Enrico Fermi. 

Nothing is better than reading and gaining more and more knowledge - Stephen William Hawking.

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#21 2018-02-08 17:07:25

ganesh
Administrator
Registered: 2005-06-28
Posts: 26,107

Re: One Liners

So what if I don't know what Armageddon means? It's not the end of the world.
* * *
This is my step ladder. I never knew my real ladder.
* * *
Alcohol is a perfect solvent: It dissolves marriages, families and careers.
* * *
I'm glad I know sign language, it's pretty handy.
* * *
Wife: "I look fat. Can you give me a compliment?" Husband: "You have perfect eyesight."
* * *
Latest survey shows that 3 out of 4 people make up 75% of the world's population.
* * *
Give me ambiguity or give me something else.
* * *
This morning some clown opened the door for me. I thought to myself that's a nice Jester.
* * *
Take my advice — I'm not using it.
* * *
668 – The neighbor of the beast.
* * *
Currently the flower business is blooming.
* * *
If laughter is the best medicine, your face must be curing the world.
* * *
The trouble with learning from experience is that you never graduate.
* * *
An invention of the hug: "You look sad. Let me choke your whole body".
* * *
If you can stay calm while all around you is chaos, then you probably haven't completely understood the situation.
* * *


It is no good to try to stop knowledge from going forward. Ignorance is never better than knowledge - Enrico Fermi. 

Nothing is better than reading and gaining more and more knowledge - Stephen William Hawking.

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#22 2018-02-08 20:07:53

Monox D. I-Fly
Member
From: Indonesia
Registered: 2015-12-02
Posts: 1,269

Re: One Liners

ganesh wrote:

If you can stay calm while all around you is chaos, then you probably haven't completely understood the situation.
* * *

But sometimes ignorance is a bliss!


Actually I never watch Star Wars and not interested in it anyway, but I choose a Yoda card as my avatar in honor of our great friend bobbym who has passed away. May his adventurous soul rest in peace at heaven.

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#23 2018-02-08 23:15:33

Alg Num Theory
Member
Registered: 2017-11-24
Posts: 338
Website

Re: One Liners

Monox D. I-Fly wrote:
ganesh wrote:

If you can stay calm while all around you is chaos, then you probably haven't completely understood the situation.
* * *

But sometimes ignorance is a bliss!

I agree. If it’s situation you don’t need to get involved in, there’s no need to poke your nose in it and be a busybody. Just step out of the chaos and let others deal with it.

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#24 2018-02-09 00:05:22

ganesh
Administrator
Registered: 2005-06-28
Posts: 26,107

Re: One Liners

Monox D. I-Fly wrote:
ganesh wrote:

If you can stay calm while all around you is chaos, then you probably haven't completely understood the situation.
* * *

But sometimes ignorance is a bliss!

Probably!

* * *
I like birthdays, but I think too many can kill you.
* * *
Never tell your problems to anyone...20% don't care and the other 80% are glad you have them...
* * *
I just read a book about Stockholm Syndrome. It was pretty bad at first, but by the end I kinda liked it.
* * *
If procrastionation was an Olympic sport, I'd compete in it later.
* * *
I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.
* * *
Transitional age is when during a hot day you don't know what you want – ice cream or beer.
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Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time.
* * *
It is much easier to apologize than to ask permission.
* * *
Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
* * *
Everyone has a photographic memory, some don't have film.
* * *
If the speed of light is 186,000 miles/sec., what's the speed of darkness?
* * *
If Mayans could predict the future, why didn't they predict their extinction?
* * *
I am a nobody, nobody is perfect, therefore I am perfect.
* * *
My IQ test results just came in and I'm really relieved. Thank God it's negative.
* * *
What did the mother lion say to her cubs before dinner? "Shall we prey?"
* * *
Isn't it scary that doctors call what they do "practice"?
* * *


It is no good to try to stop knowledge from going forward. Ignorance is never better than knowledge - Enrico Fermi. 

Nothing is better than reading and gaining more and more knowledge - Stephen William Hawking.

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#25 2018-02-10 01:28:48

Alg Num Theory
Member
Registered: 2017-11-24
Posts: 338
Website

Re: One Liners

They say, “Don’t get mad, get even.” I say: “Don’t get mad, get even madder.”

—Vinnie Jones

Last edited by Alg Num Theory (2018-02-10 21:49:31)

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