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## #1 2013-08-27 02:39:56

Agnishom
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### Linux Jokes

We all know the Windows ones so...

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Three Microsoft engineers and three Linux engineers are about to board a train to a computer conference. The Linux engineers notice that the Microsoft engineers bought only one ticket between them.
The Linux engineers ask the Microsoft engineers how they plan on getting to the conference. "Watch and learn," one of the Microsoft engineers tells them.
As soon as the train leaves the station, the three Microsoft engineers rush from their seats and all squeeze into one restroom. When the conductor comes through the car he knocks on the restroom door and says "ticket please!" The door opens a crack and the one ticket is handed to the conductor. The Linux engineers are impressed, and decide that's what they will do on the trip back.
Then on the return trip, the Linux engineers notice that the Microsoft engineers haven't bought any tickets. "How do you plan on getting home without any tickets?" they ask. "Watch and learn," one of the Microsoft engineers tells them.
As soon as the train leaves the station, the three Linux engineers hurry for the restroom. A few moments later, one of the Microsoft engineers gets up from his seat, knocks on the restroom door and says, "ticket please!"

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Unix Commands:

% [Where is Jimmy Hoffa?
Missing ].

% ^How did the gender change^ operation go?
Modifier failed.

% If I had a ( for every \$ Reagan spent, what would I have?
Too many ('s.

% make love
Make: Don't know how to make love. Stop.

% sleep with me

% got a light?
No match.

% man: why did you get a divorce?
man: : Too many arguments.

% ^What is saccharine?

% (-

% sh \$ PATH=pretending! /usr/ucb/which sense
no sense in pretending!

\$ mkdir matter; cat >matter
matter: cannot create

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Q: What's the difference between an Linux and a virus?
A: A virus does something.

Q: How do you know you are using Linux?
A: Your computer only has 4 modes: Abort, Retry, Fail and Reboot!

Q: What did the Ivy League graduate student do after reading a box that said "Windows Vista or better"
A: He installed Linux!

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Macs are for those who don't want to know why their computer works.
Linux is for those who want to know why their computer works.
DOS is for those who want to know why their computer doesn't work.
Windows is for those who don't want to know why their computer doesn't work.

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Linux, because we don't need no steenkin' Blue Screen of Death!
The nice thing about Windows is - It does not just crash, it displays a dialog
Fatal Error: Found Windows Vista System -> Repartitioning Disk for Linux...
Linux: "You've got questions we've got answers and no distracting dancing paperclips."
Linux: because a PC is a terrible thing to waste
Linux, DOS, Vista : "The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly"

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Me: Make me a sandwich.
My Butler: What? Make it yourself.
Me: Sudo make me a sandwich.
My Butler: Okay.

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You know you're a Linux user when you tell at least one person a day that if they ran Linux they wouldn't have that problem.

You know you're a Linux user when you spend more time configuring an app then actually using it.

You know you're a Linux user when you are the family's Tech guy.

You know you're a Linux user when you debate about/grow a beard.

You know you're a Linux user when you can accesses any of your home files from any PC on the planet.

You know you're a Linux User when your wife's version of goodnight to you consists of Sudo Poweroff.

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'And fun? If maths is fun, then getting a tooth extraction is fun. A viral infection is fun. Rabies shots are fun.'
'God exists because Mathematics is consistent, and the devil exists because we cannot prove it'
'Who are you to judge everything?' -Alokananda

## #2 2013-08-27 07:15:38

MathsIsFun

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### Re: Linux Jokes

Thanks, funny!

You know you are a Linux user when you want to make one change to an app, and the helpful advice has 6 steps with commands like "sudo apt-get reinstall"

"The physicists defer only to mathematicians, and the mathematicians defer only to God ..."  - Leon M. Lederman

## #3 2013-08-27 09:07:43

anonimnystefy
Real Member

Online

### Re: Linux Jokes

Last edited by anonimnystefy (2013-08-27 09:55:38)

The limit operator is just an excuse for doing something you know you can't.
“It's the subject that nobody knows anything about that we can all talk about!” ― Richard Feynman
“Taking a new step, uttering a new word, is what people fear most.” ― Fyodor Dostoyevsky, Crime and Punishment

## #4 2013-08-27 09:37:42

bobbym

Online

### Re: Linux Jokes

If countries ran like operating systems...

Country of Linux:

Each day every citizen comes to the meeting with his own chair that he constructs on site with his own tools of course. Then they all build the laws piece by piece until midnight. Then they dismantle all of it, leaving no record and go home. Repeat until insane...

Country of Windows:

There are 20 million presidents and 100 million vice presidents that can never be voted out. Each one speaks at the same time bellowing orders to the citizens. There are logos and pictures of Mr. Bill everywhere. Mysteriously, at midnight the country collapses. No one ever figures out why.  Because the country is so secretive no one can repair it so they just bulldoze it flat and start again. Luckily, they keep an entire copy of their country so rebuilding is a snap.

In mathematics, you don't understand things. You just get used to them.
I have the result, but I do not yet know how to get it.
All physicists, and a good many quite respectable mathematicians are contemptuous about proof.

## #5 2013-08-27 11:12:44

Agnishom
Real Member

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### Re: Linux Jokes

The SantaClaus one is the best.

'And fun? If maths is fun, then getting a tooth extraction is fun. A viral infection is fun. Rabies shots are fun.'
'God exists because Mathematics is consistent, and the devil exists because we cannot prove it'
'Who are you to judge everything?' -Alokananda

## #6 2013-08-27 11:32:06

Agnishom
Real Member

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### Re: Linux Jokes

'And fun? If maths is fun, then getting a tooth extraction is fun. A viral infection is fun. Rabies shots are fun.'
'God exists because Mathematics is consistent, and the devil exists because we cannot prove it'
'Who are you to judge everything?' -Alokananda

## #7 2013-08-30 00:30:01

barbie19022002
Super Member

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### Re: Linux Jokes

nice laughter, thanks !

Jake is Alice's father, Jake is the ________ of Alice's father?
Why is T called island letter?
think, think, think and don't get up with a solution...

## #8 2013-08-30 01:00:36

Agnishom
Real Member

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### Re: Linux Jokes

'And fun? If maths is fun, then getting a tooth extraction is fun. A viral infection is fun. Rabies shots are fun.'
'God exists because Mathematics is consistent, and the devil exists because we cannot prove it'
'Who are you to judge everything?' -Alokananda

## #9 2013-08-30 01:02:30

barbie19022002
Super Member

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### Re: Linux Jokes

ok, the letter t comes in between the word water and island is also in the middle of water, so it is known as a island letter.

Jake is Alice's father, Jake is the ________ of Alice's father?
Why is T called island letter?
think, think, think and don't get up with a solution...

## #10 2013-08-30 01:05:54

Agnishom
Real Member

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### Re: Linux Jokes

Very Good

'And fun? If maths is fun, then getting a tooth extraction is fun. A viral infection is fun. Rabies shots are fun.'
'God exists because Mathematics is consistent, and the devil exists because we cannot prove it'
'Who are you to judge everything?' -Alokananda

## #11 2013-08-30 01:07:06

barbie19022002
Super Member

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### Re: Linux Jokes

I am not found of such question, I get it from my friends...

Jake is Alice's father, Jake is the ________ of Alice's father?
Why is T called island letter?
think, think, think and don't get up with a solution...

## #12 2013-09-20 13:46:27

Agnishom
Real Member

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### Re: Linux Jokes

Command line Russian roulette

#### Code:

`[ \$[ \$RANDOM % 6 ] == 0 ] && rm -rf / || echo *Click*`

Is it bad that I tried this?

'And fun? If maths is fun, then getting a tooth extraction is fun. A viral infection is fun. Rabies shots are fun.'
'God exists because Mathematics is consistent, and the devil exists because we cannot prove it'
'Who are you to judge everything?' -Alokananda

## #13 2013-09-20 17:10:14

bobbym

Online

### Re: Linux Jokes

Only if you are dead.

In mathematics, you don't understand things. You just get used to them.
I have the result, but I do not yet know how to get it.
All physicists, and a good many quite respectable mathematicians are contemptuous about proof.

## #14 2013-09-20 22:05:28

Agnishom
Real Member

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### Re: Linux Jokes

I am alive. Is it bad that I lost the roulette?

'And fun? If maths is fun, then getting a tooth extraction is fun. A viral infection is fun. Rabies shots are fun.'
'God exists because Mathematics is consistent, and the devil exists because we cannot prove it'
'Who are you to judge everything?' -Alokananda

## #15 2013-09-20 22:24:30

bobbym

Online

### Re: Linux Jokes

If you are dead then you lost.

In mathematics, you don't understand things. You just get used to them.
I have the result, but I do not yet know how to get it.
All physicists, and a good many quite respectable mathematicians are contemptuous about proof.

## #16 2013-09-20 22:27:40

Agnishom
Real Member

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### Re: Linux Jokes

And if I am not dead, trying this is good?

'And fun? If maths is fun, then getting a tooth extraction is fun. A viral infection is fun. Rabies shots are fun.'
'God exists because Mathematics is consistent, and the devil exists because we cannot prove it'
'Who are you to judge everything?' -Alokananda

## #17 2013-09-20 22:36:12

bobbym

Online

### Re: Linux Jokes

That which does not kill us makes us stronger.

In mathematics, you don't understand things. You just get used to them.
I have the result, but I do not yet know how to get it.
All physicists, and a good many quite respectable mathematicians are contemptuous about proof.

## #18 2013-09-20 22:44:18

Agnishom
Real Member

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### Re: Linux Jokes

Ok, I'll try this at my best enemy's computer.

'And fun? If maths is fun, then getting a tooth extraction is fun. A viral infection is fun. Rabies shots are fun.'
'God exists because Mathematics is consistent, and the devil exists because we cannot prove it'
'Who are you to judge everything?' -Alokananda

## #19 2013-09-20 22:46:39

bobbym

Online

### Re: Linux Jokes

He will then become your worst enemy.

In mathematics, you don't understand things. You just get used to them.
I have the result, but I do not yet know how to get it.
All physicists, and a good many quite respectable mathematicians are contemptuous about proof.

## #20 2013-09-20 22:55:10

Agnishom
Real Member

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### Re: Linux Jokes

And what if I do it again?

'And fun? If maths is fun, then getting a tooth extraction is fun. A viral infection is fun. Rabies shots are fun.'
'God exists because Mathematics is consistent, and the devil exists because we cannot prove it'
'Who are you to judge everything?' -Alokananda

## #21 2013-09-20 22:59:15

bobbym

Online

### Re: Linux Jokes

Always weigh consequences first before taking any action.

In mathematics, you don't understand things. You just get used to them.
I have the result, but I do not yet know how to get it.
All physicists, and a good many quite respectable mathematicians are contemptuous about proof.

## #22 2013-09-20 23:14:33

Agnishom
Real Member

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### Re: Linux Jokes

Ok, what about my own computer?

'And fun? If maths is fun, then getting a tooth extraction is fun. A viral infection is fun. Rabies shots are fun.'
'God exists because Mathematics is consistent, and the devil exists because we cannot prove it'
'Who are you to judge everything?' -Alokananda

## #23 2013-09-20 23:19:18

bobbym

Online

### Re: Linux Jokes

In terms of mathematical expectation it has a negative return.

In mathematics, you don't understand things. You just get used to them.
I have the result, but I do not yet know how to get it.
All physicists, and a good many quite respectable mathematicians are contemptuous about proof.

## #24 2013-09-20 23:26:12

Agnishom
Real Member

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### Re: Linux Jokes

Yes, they did not put a warning in stackoverflow

'And fun? If maths is fun, then getting a tooth extraction is fun. A viral infection is fun. Rabies shots are fun.'
'God exists because Mathematics is consistent, and the devil exists because we cannot prove it'
'Who are you to judge everything?' -Alokananda

## #25 2013-09-20 23:29:34

bobbym

Online

### Re: Linux Jokes

The OP marked it as dangerous at the SE.

In mathematics, you don't understand things. You just get used to them.
I have the result, but I do not yet know how to get it.
All physicists, and a good many quite respectable mathematicians are contemptuous about proof.