At New York's Kennedy airport today an individual was arrested, later determined to be a public school teacher, trying to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a slide rule, and a calculator. The Home Land Security believes the man is a member of the notorious Al-gebra movement. The man was being charged with carrying weapons of math instruction. "Al-gebra is a very fearsome movement, indeed", the Home Land Security reported. "They desire average solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on a tangents in a search of absolute value. They consist of shadowy figures, with names like "x" and "y", and, although they are frequently referred to as "unknowns", we know they really belong to a common denominator and are part of the axis of medieval with coordinates in every country. "As the great Greek philanderer Isosceles used to say, there are three sides to every triangle." When the President was asked to comment on the arrest, he said, "If God had wanted us to have better weapons of math instruction, he would have given us more fingers and toes."