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#1 2010-02-10 13:26:02

d1whohatesmath
Member
Registered: 2010-02-08
Posts: 26

39 things you should know by now...

1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative drug on the same night.

2. Don't worry about what people think, they don't do it very often.

3. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian anymore than standing in a garage makes you a car.

4. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.

5. If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried before.

6. My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.

7. Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.

8. It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.

9. For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program.

10. If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.
11. Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of cheques.

12. A conscience is what hurts when all of your other parts feel so good.

13. Eat well, stay fit, die anyway.

14. Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.

15. No man has ever been shot while doing the dishes.

16. A balanced diet is a beer in each hand.

17. Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places.

18. Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.

19. Junk is something You've kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.

20. There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.

21. Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognise a mistake when you make it again.

22. By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.

23. Thou shalt not weigh more than thy fridge.

24. Someone who thinks logically provides a nice contrast to the real world.

25. It's not the jeans that make your bum look fat.

26. If you had to identify, in 1 word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, & never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be 'meetings'.

27. There is a very fine line between 'hobby' and 'mental illness'.

28. People who want to share their religious views with you never want you to share yours with them.

29. You should not confuse your career with your life.

30. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.

»31. Never lick a steak knife.

32. The most destructive force in the universe is gossip.

33. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we put the clocks back.

34. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.

35. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age eleven.

36. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above average drivers and have a sense of humour

37. A person, who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person.

38. Your friends love you anyway.

39. Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic.

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#2 2010-02-10 14:51:44

bobbym
Administrator
From: Bumpkinland
Registered: 2009-04-12
Posts: 90,674

Re: 39 things you should know by now...

Hi Omaima,

Great! Special emphasis on 2, 3, 4, 7, 14, 21 and 39. Uh Oh, I feel a rant coming on.

Rant:
I stopped it in time, this is your thread not mine.


In mathematics, you don't understand things. You just get used to them.

I agree with you regarding the satisfaction and importance of actually computing some numbers. I can't tell you how often I see time and money wasted because someone didn't bother to run the numbers.

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#3 2010-02-11 21:36:28

Tigeree
Member
Registered: 2005-11-19
Posts: 13,848

Re: 39 things you should know by now...

Hello d1,
Very useful info, thanks I think I needed some. I will definitely remember No. 16.... lol


People don't notice whether it's winter or summer when they're happy.
~ Anton Chekhov
Cheer up, emo kid.

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#4 2010-02-12 07:39:19

soroban
Member
Registered: 2007-03-09
Posts: 452

Re: 39 things you should know by now...

.


.

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#5 2010-03-03 07:55:02

misheeru
Member
Registered: 2010-02-18
Posts: 4,594

Re: 39 things you should know by now...

*A balanced diet is a beer in each hand.
Lmao.. I'm  now working at acheiving this balanced diet, thanks for showing me the truth big_smile

*Never lick a steak knife.
Why?


Of Moons, Birds and Monsters

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#6 2010-03-03 22:22:59

Tigeree
Member
Registered: 2005-11-19
Posts: 13,848

Re: 39 things you should know by now...

I know from experience. Trust me don't do it....


People don't notice whether it's winter or summer when they're happy.
~ Anton Chekhov
Cheer up, emo kid.

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#7 2010-03-08 07:05:46

misheeru
Member
Registered: 2010-02-18
Posts: 4,594

Re: 39 things you should know by now...

lmao... I only asked cuz i've done it several times and nothing bad has every happened haha

but there is a first time for everything...

*looks at knife cautiously*

Nahhh

*licks bbq sauce off knife* big_smile


Of Moons, Birds and Monsters

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#8 2010-03-31 06:31:06

S.G. Shredmaster
Member
Registered: 2010-03-19
Posts: 290

Re: 39 things you should know by now...

Licking knives can be safely accomplished if its done right...see watch...

OOOOOOWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


When you're old and your eyes are dim, There ain't no old shep gonna happen again
We'll still go walking down country lanes, I'll sing the same old song
Hear me call your name

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#9 2010-04-12 06:55:10

misheeru
Member
Registered: 2010-02-18
Posts: 4,594

Re: 39 things you should know by now...

LOL oh no! I'll get the duct tape!


Of Moons, Birds and Monsters

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#10 2010-04-13 06:36:15

S.G. Shredmaster
Member
Registered: 2010-03-19
Posts: 290

Re: 39 things you should know by now...

good ol fashoned back-woods medical tape!
Thanx!


When you're old and your eyes are dim, There ain't no old shep gonna happen again
We'll still go walking down country lanes, I'll sing the same old song
Hear me call your name

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#11 2010-04-13 07:45:03

misheeru
Member
Registered: 2010-02-18
Posts: 4,594

Re: 39 things you should know by now...

Of course! Except for flying, there it nothing duct tape can't do! xD


Of Moons, Birds and Monsters

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#12 2010-04-13 15:18:23

S.G. Shredmaster
Member
Registered: 2010-03-19
Posts: 290

Re: 39 things you should know by now...

Yeah! Have you been watching 'McGuiver'?

Last edited by S.G. Shredmaster (2010-04-13 15:18:55)


When you're old and your eyes are dim, There ain't no old shep gonna happen again
We'll still go walking down country lanes, I'll sing the same old song
Hear me call your name

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#13 2010-05-18 13:45:09

hermione_brains
Member
Registered: 2010-05-18
Posts: 6

Re: 39 things you should know by now...

roflol

These are really funny, and a number of them are very true as well! Love it! big_smile

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