Math Is Fun Forum

LONG day at work today. It isn't often that both jobs fall on the same day, but when it does, it's a doozy! Anywho, I hope everyone is having a great day and that you enjoy this joke:

A man and a friend are playing golf one day at their local golf course. One of the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral procession on the road next to the course. He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes, and bows down in prayer. His friend says: “Wow, that is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You truly are a kind man.” The man then replies: “Yeah, well we were married 35 years.”

Work early this morning, blah. Here's the joke for today:

A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn’t seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head.

The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: “My friend is dead! What can I do?”

The operator, in a calm, soothing voice, says: “Just take it easy. I can help. First, let’s make sure he’s dead.”

There is a silence, then a shot is heard. The guy’s voice comes back on the line. He says: “Okay, now what?”

It sure is. Instant classic.

Factor form? I'm assuming that this is the same thing as factoring it.
There are several different methods.
Here's a hint: quadratic formula or completing the square.
Post again if you want more help.

Gee thanks I try Here's today's joke (Hope it meets your standards ), this is not so much a joke as something that really happened but when I tell it people will think I've made it up. Here it goes anyways:

My friend Matt and I were in the checkout line at Walmart and he's holding a 20lb bag of dog food. We are chatting when this woman behind up clears her throat loudly and asks if he owned a dog. Now there's something you need to know about my friend Matt, he's about the most sarcastic person you're likely to ever meet besides me of course. Anyways he turns to her and says, "No, I was just thinking about getting back on the Purina diet. Last time I was on it I lost a good 40lbs. It's quite simple, carry around some of the dog food in your pocked and eat a bit when you get hungry. It's nutritional and filling." By this time everyone in our lane and the neighboring one's is pretty much enraptured by his story. He continues, "There was one problem though. Towards the end of the diet I woke up in the hospital with tubes coming out of me and an enormous IV." The woman is shocked and asks, "What happened, the dog food can't be that bad for you?" He replies, "It's not, I was walking home one day and stepped off the curb to sniff an Irish Setter's butt and we both got hit by a truck!" The woman turns bright red and promptly leaves the line and everyone else can't stop laughing.
The reason that this is so funny is because it really happened and that Matt put so much effort into drawing out this story just to make that woman look stupid. This story never gets old.

No you don't replace it with x, you set it equal to x.

So:
Squared: 110=x^2
Triangular:110=x(x-1)/2
Rectangular:110=x(x-1)

All right I'm getting back into the swing of things, aka. waking up before 11 on average. =P Also, I threw 4 under par playing disc golf, I'm proud even though my other two friends threw 6 and 9 under. XD Enough of that thought, here's today's joke:

Bill Clinton is visiting a school. In one class, he asks the students if anyone can give him an example of a "tragedy." One little boy stands up and offers that, "If my best friend who lives next door is playing in the street when a car came by and killed him, that would be a tragedy."
"No," Clinton says, "That would be an ACCIDENT."
A girl raises her hand. "If a school bus carrying fifty children drove off a cliff, killing everyone inside...that would be a tragedy."
"I'm afraid not," explains Clinton. "That is what we would call a GREAT LOSS."
The room is silent; none of the other children dare volunteer.
"What?" asks Clinton, "Isn't there anyone here who can give me an example of a tragedy?"
Finally a boy in the back raises his hand. In a timid voice, he says: "If an airplane carrying Bill and Hillary Clinton was blown up by a bomb, *that* would be a tragedy."
"Wonderful!" Clinton beams. "Marvelous! And can you tell me WHY that would be a tragedy?"
"Well," says the boy, "because it wouldn't be an accident, and it certainly would be no great loss!

I play almost every day and the course near me is really hilly so it's a good workout as well as fun. I shot 4 under par today!!

That's correct, but the more obvious fallacy lies in the property:

I'm feeling a funny picture today as well, this is for those blonde mathematicians out there XD :

Thank you very much mathisfun. Just so everyone knows I'll be here asking for lots of help in the future (I plan to be a math major), I'm going to college at WPI (Worcester Polytech Institute) in Mass. if anyone is familiar with it tell me the ups and downs. Anyways here's today's joke:

A driver is pulled over by a policeman. The police man approaches the driver's door.
"Is there a problem Officer?"
The policeman says, "Sir, you were speeding. Can I see your license please?"
The driver responds, "I'd give it to you but I don't have one."
"You don't have one?"
The man responds, "I lost it four times for drunk driving."
The policeman is shocked. "I see. Can I see your vehicle registration papers please?"
"I'm sorry, I can't do that."
The policeman says, "Why not?"
"I stole this car."
The officer says, "Stole it?"
The man says, "Yes, and I killed the owner."
At this point the officer is getting irate. "You what!?"
"She's in the trunk if you want to see."
The Officer looks at the man and slowly backs away to his car and calls for back up. Within minutes, five police cars show up, surrounding the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.
The senior officer says "Sir, could you step out of your vehicle please!"
The man steps out of his vehicle. "Is there a problem sir?"
"One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner."
"Murdered the owner?"
The officer responds, "Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car please?"
The man opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty boot.
The officer says, "Is this your car sir?"
The man says "Yes," and hands over the registration papers.
The officer, understandably, is quite stunned. "One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving license."
The man digs in his pocket revealing a wallet and hands it to the officer. The officer opens the wallet and examines the license. He looks quite puzzled. "Thank you sir, one of my officers told me you didn't have a license, stole this car, and murdered the owner."
The man replies, "I bet you that old liar told you I was speeding, too!"