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Hello everyone, here's today's joke:

A drunk man approaches a woman checking out at a supermarket. As she's loading her items onto the conveyor he asks her, "You're single, aren't you?" The woman ignores him and continues to check out as he stumbles away. While she continues loading her groceries she begins to wonder how the man knew she was single. She becomes paranoid and wonders if he is following her or if he can tell from her groceries. The paranoia gets to her and she runs into to the produce section where she sees the man standing. She shakes him violently and demands to know how he knew she was single. He turns around, focuses, and says, "*Hiccup*'Cuz yous ugly!"

Favorite song at the moment would have to be Handlebars by the Flobots.

I'll get some pictures posted when I get my digital camera back from my friend. I'm passing over the joke today in favor of a few funny pick up lines that will get you a good laugh if not a lady. O.o

Are you a laser baby? 'Cuz you're set to stun.

If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put U and I together.

Can I read your T shirt in brail?

Baby you must be tired because youve been running through my mind all night!

All those curves! And me with no brakes!

And by far the least funny but most effective: Baby, does this smell like chloroform to you?

Have a great day guys.

Long time no see guys, I just got back from Hawaii today and it was SPECTACULAR. Ask if you want to hear more O.o. Here's a joke to kick things off again:

George W. Bush, distraught over his worsening approval rating, was jogging through Washington in search of inspiration. Taking a break upon reaching the Washington Monument, he looks up for guidance and says, George, you were one of our greatest Presidents, what should I do?

Suddenly, a voice is heard from above. George Washington says to George W, Abolish the I.R.S. and start over.

George W, amazed that hes actually talking to a past President, continues his job and this time stops at the Jefferson Memorial. Uttering a similar question to Thomas Jefferson, Americas author of the Declaration of Independence and one of its great early philosophers, he asks Thomas, youve never had these kinds of problems. What can I do to rally people behind me? Again a voice from above answers, Welfare is not working, abolish it and start over.

Upon hearing such great advice, George gets excited and plans on going to all the historical sites for guidance. Next stop is the Lincoln Memorial to see President Abraham Lincoln, who met his untimely death after winning the Civil War and keeping the country unified. Abe, I need your help, people are losing confidence in me and they no longer trust me. What should I do? After a substantial pause Abe replies, Take the day off George. Go the the theatre.

When I say plug in a number for x I mean replace every "x" in the problem with the given number.

Most? Which ones are wrong? Thanks.

**lines** intersect then they only overlap at one point. Therefore there is only one answer that satisfies both equations of the lines.

2. The term "linear" means that when the equation is graphed the picture will be a line.

3,4. For a you will need two points from each line: for a use (3,3) and (5,5) and plug these into the slope equation (m=(y2-y1)/(x2-x1) and in this case: (5-3)/(5-3). S the slope is 1. Now plug this into your slope intercept equation (y=mx+b). and you get y=x+b, but you still need to find b. so plug in the point (3,3) and you get 3=3+b and solve for b. b=0. So now you have everything you need for the equation (m=1, b=0). Plug this back in to the slope intercept equation and you get a final answer of: y=x. Do the same thing with two points from line b to get it's equation.

What you need to do for this one is plot each point for line a then draw the line, then do the same for b. Once you have the two pictures you can see the answers to b,c, and d.

All Right guys this is going to be the last on for a couple of weeks, as soon as I get back I'll have some new ones for you. Enjoy:

Three women who work in the same office notice that their female boss has started leaving work early every day. One day they decide that after she leaves, they'll take off early, too. After all, she never calls or comes back, so how is she to know?

The brunette is thrilled to get home early. She does a Little gardening, watches a movie and then goes to bed early. The redhead is elevated to be able to get in a quick workout at her health club before meeting a dinner dates. The blonde is also very happy to be home early, but as she goes upstairs she hears noises coming from her bedroom. She quietly opens the door a crack and is mortified to see her husband in bed with HER BOSS!

Ever so gently, she closes the door and creeps out of her house.

The next day, the brunette and the redhead talk about leaving early again, but when they ask the blonde if she wants to leave early also, she exclaims, "NO WAY! Yesterday I almost got caught!"

To solve f(x)=x³x²-1 for f(1), you simple plug in 1 for x.

Same concept for the second part, except you will need to solve the equation twice. For the first one plug in 14 for r, in the next plug in 70:

1. 2x(22/7)x(14)

2. 2x(22/7)x(70)

Sorry I missed the last couple of days with the jokes. My granmother has been in the hospital and I haven't been on the computer in quite a few days. Anyways, here it is:

Why do ducks have webbed feet?

To stamp out fires.

Why do elephants have flat feet?

To stamp out burning ducks.

813 = no clue. O.o

Sorry I worked for 18 hours yesterday with only a 10 minute break. :\ So I didn't get the joke up because I came home and went straight to sleep. Anyways here you go:

Why do ducks have webbed feet?

To stamp out fires.

Why do elephants have flat feet?

To stamp out burning ducks.

And here's one from a friend:

Old mathematicians never die... They just lose some of their functions.

Have a great day everyone.

Fruits Basket is a really popular anime. And good one at that.

Thank you very much!

:]

Could someone tell me how to do the button thing so I can hide my answers?

Thanks in advance.

Work, work, work. It seems that's all I've been doing lately. So let me apologize for not contributing more to the forums lately. O.o That aside here's today's joke:

This woman rushed to see her doctor, looking very much worried and all strung out. She rattles off: Doctor, take a look at me. When I woke up this morning, I looked at myself in the mirror and saw my hair all wiry and frazzled up, my skin was all wrinkled and pasty, my eyes were bloodshot and bugging out, and I had this corpse-like look on my face! Whats WRONG with me, Doctor!?

The doctor looks her over for a couple of minutes, then calmly says: Well, I can tell you that there aint nothing wrong with your eyesight
.

Here is today's joke:

A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: Thats the ugliest baby that Ive ever seen. Ugh! The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: The driver just insulted me! The man says: You go right up there and tell him off go ahead, Ill hold your monkey for you.

Here's today's joke:

When NASA first started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered that ballpoint pens would not work in zero gravity. To combat the problem, NASA scientists spent a decade and $12 billion to develop a pen that writes in zero gravity, upside down, underwater, on almost any surface including glass and at temperatures ranging from below freezing to 300 C. The Russians used a pencil.

Use this rule to come up with your own! Hope this helps.