Math Is Fun Forum

stardust

Member

Registered: 2006-04-09

Posts: 48

A bad joke

Patient: My wife things I'm mad because i like sausages.
Phsychiatrist: Nonsense, i like sausages too.
Patient: Really? Do you want to see my collection?

MathsIsFun

Administrator

Registered: 2005-01-21

Posts: 7,713

Re: A bad joke

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"The physicists defer only to mathematicians, and the mathematicians defer only to God ..."  - Leon M. Lederman

mikau

Member

Registered: 2005-08-22

Posts: 1,504

Re: A bad joke

Whats with all the sausage jokes?

Man I need some breakfast...

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A logarithm is just a misspelled algorithm.

Ricky

Moderator

Registered: 2005-12-04

Posts: 3,791

Re: A bad joke

May I suggest some green eggs and ham?

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"In the real world, this would be a problem.  But in mathematics, we can just define a place where this problem doesn't exist.  So we'll go ahead and do that now..."

stardust

Member

Registered: 2006-04-09

Posts: 48

Re: A bad joke

Here's a joke on a completely different subject (and just as bad)

Darth Vader: Luke Skywalker, I know what you are getting for your birthday.
Luke: How do you know?
Darth Vader: I felt your presents.

Last edited by stardust (2006-04-11 06:20:33)

MathsIsFun

Administrator

Registered: 2005-01-21

Posts: 7,713

Re: A bad joke

Good One!

Patient: Nobody understands me.
Doctor: Huh?

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"The physicists defer only to mathematicians, and the mathematicians defer only to God ..."  - Leon M. Lederman

stardust

Member

Registered: 2006-04-09

Posts: 48

Re: A bad joke

Very funny

Patient: Doctor doctor whenever Idrink coffee I get a stabbing pain in my eye.
Doctor: Have you tried taking the spoon out?

MathsIsFun

Administrator

Registered: 2005-01-21

Posts: 7,713

Re: A bad joke

Good point!

Patient: No one is interested in my problems.
Doctor:

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"The physicists defer only to mathematicians, and the mathematicians defer only to God ..."  - Leon M. Lederman

jU

Real Member

Registered: 2005-08-17

Posts: 1,923

Re: A bad joke

Good ones

Patient: Doctor Doctor I feel like a bridge
Doctor: whats come over you?
Patient: ah let me think. 3 trucks, 5 cars, 2 buses and a taxi

stardust

Member

Registered: 2006-04-09

Posts: 48

Re: A bad joke

Patient: Doctor doctor I keep feeling really lethargic in the mornings.
Doctor: After you get out bed climb on top of the wardrobe.
Patient: Will that cure me?
Doctor: No, but it will increase your potential energy.

Ricky

Moderator

Registered: 2005-12-04

Posts: 3,791

Re: A bad joke

Reporter: What do you think the main causes are for ignorance and indifference in voting?
Person: I don't know and I don't care.

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"In the real world, this would be a problem.  But in mathematics, we can just define a place where this problem doesn't exist.  So we'll go ahead and do that now..."

stardust

Member

Registered: 2006-04-09

Posts: 48

Re: A bad joke

A man walks into a doctors surgery with a carrot up his nose, a cucumer in his left ear and a banana in his right ear.
"What is wrong with me?" he asks
"You're not eating properly", the doctor replies.

MathsIsFun

Administrator

Registered: 2005-01-21

Posts: 7,713

Re: A bad joke

Patient: I keep getting these feelings that I am really an Egg Timer
Doctor: 5 minutes, please.

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"The physicists defer only to mathematicians, and the mathematicians defer only to God ..."  - Leon M. Lederman

mikau

Member

Registered: 2005-08-22

Posts: 1,504

Re: A bad joke

Here's an old one:

Patient: "Doctor doctor it it hurts when I swallow!"
Doctor: "Don't swallow."

That ones been around. Swallow can be replaced with "Breath" "move" or pretty much any action.

Here's another.

wife "whats wrong?"
husband "The doctor said I have to take this pill every day for the rest of my life"
wife "It could have been a lot worse t hen that. There are a lot of people who have to take a pill every day!"
husband "I know. But he only gave me four!"

Mathisfun, that one you mentioned reminds me of another I heard in a movie.

Doctor: "I'm very sorry madam, you only have three minutes to live!"
Lady: "Oh no! Doctor, please is there nothing you can do for me?"
Doctor: "well I could boil you an egg."

Last edited by mikau (2006-04-13 12:54:17)

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A logarithm is just a misspelled algorithm.

RealEstateBroker

Member

Registered: 2006-06-01

Posts: 45

Re: A bad joke

Thanks, I am glad I didn't hurt anyone.

Speaking about humor in any situation:

When I was in the hospital, I had been in a medically-induced coma for 3 weeks, on life-support and intravenious feeding. I had just had the breathing tube removed, and so it was the first day that I was able to talk. I was heavily sedated and much of what I was experiencing was a distorted reality. I was not yet permitted to drink because they were worried that I could easily choke, so I was incredibly thirst...parched would be a better description. All I could think about was getting a drink. As I faded in and out of conciousness, I had delusions that someone was offering to give me a glass of water if I would give them $5,000, and I was so desperate, that I was willing to go to the bank the withdraw the money and give it to them.

When I was awake, I was begging for a drink. Later, my wife said I was like an addict. Despite all this, I am the kind of person who just can't help making a joke. One of the times when I was begging for water and a nurse was trying to explain to me why I couldn't have any, I said: "If you give me a drink of water, I'll vote for George Bush." (This was May of 04, so it was an election year.)

I recall her not looking too pleased. I think she must have been a Republican.

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Love is what matters most!

Mirkwood

Member

Registered: 2006-08-15

Posts: 1

Re: A bad joke

I've got a joke as well.

Man walks into a bar. Ouch.

Devantè

Real Member

Registered: 2006-07-14

Posts: 6,400

Re: A bad joke

Shortly after the 911 emergency number became available, an elderly and quite ill lady appeared in a hospital emergency room, having driven herself to the hospital and barely managing to stagger in from the parking lot.

The horrified nurse said, "Why didn't you call the 911 number and get an ambulance?"

The lady said, "My phone doesn't have an eleven."