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**JaneFairfax****Member**- Registered: 2007-02-23
- Posts: 6,868

A concerned husband went to a doctor to talk about his wife. "Doctor, I think my wife is deaf because she never hears me the first time and I always have to repeat myself."

"Well," the doctor replied, "go home tonight and stand about 5 metres from her and say something to her. If she doesn't hear, move a metre closer and say it again. Keep doing this so we'll get an idea of the severity of her deafness."

The husband goes home and does what the doctor instructed. He stands 5 metres from his wife as she is chopping some vegetables and says, "Honey, what's for dinner?"

Hearing no response, he moves a metre closer and asks again. No reply. He moves another metre closer and still no reply. Fed up, he moves right behind her and asks again, "Honey, what's for dinner?"

She replies, "For the fourth time, vegetable stew!"

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**JaneFairfax****Member**- Registered: 2007-02-23
- Posts: 6,868

A dissatisfied train passenger writes the following letter of complaint to the railway authorities: "Gentlemen: I have been riding your trains daily for the last 22 years and the service on your line seems to be getting worse every day. I am tired of standing in the aisle all the time on my way to and from work. I think your transportation system is worse than that enjoyed by people 2000 years ago. Yours truly, A Commuter."

The railway authorities reply: "Dear Sir: We received your letter with reference to the shortcomings of our service and believe you are somewhat confused in your history. The only mode of transportation 2000 years ago was by foot. Sincerely, Western Railways."

The passenger replies back: "Gentlemen: I am in receipt of your letter and I think you are the ones who are confused in your history. If you refer to the Old Testament book of David in the Bible, Chapter Nine, you will find that Balaam rode to town 'seated' on his donkey. That, gentlemen, is something I have not been able to do on your trains in the last 22 years. Yours truly, A Long 'Standing' Commuter."

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**soroban****Member**- Registered: 2007-03-09
- Posts: 451

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*Last edited by soroban (2011-06-23 02:43:49)*

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**soroban****Member**- Registered: 2007-03-09
- Posts: 451

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**soroban****Member**- Registered: 2007-03-09
- Posts: 451

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**soroban****Member**- Registered: 2007-03-09
- Posts: 451

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**bobbym****Administrator**- From: Bumpkinland
- Registered: 2009-04-12
- Posts: 84,183

Very difficult to understand. This farmer is wrong about his cut but he was running a farm, while the other guy was unable to. So who is the joke on?

**In mathematics, you don't understand things. You just get used to them.I have the result, but I do not yet know how to get it.All physicists, and a good many quite respectable mathematicians are contemptuous about proof.**

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**gAr****Member**- Registered: 2011-01-09
- Posts: 3,478

Oh, you too didn't understand?

I thought it was only me.

"Believe nothing, no matter where you read it, or who said it, no matter if I have said it, unless it agrees with your own reason and your own common sense" - Buddha?

"Data! Data! Data!" he cried impatiently. "I can't make bricks without clay."

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**bob bundy****Moderator**- Registered: 2010-06-20
- Posts: 6,291

I think the point is

'The farmer is clearly uneducated as he cannot do percentages but he is a practical man who can, nevertheless, earn an honest dollar. The graduate has loads of book knowledge but cannot earn a living.'

I'm not sure it's a 'ha ha' joke, but it is an important lesson for us all.

Bob

You cannot teach a man anything; you can only help him find it within himself..........Galileo Galilei

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**bobbym****Administrator**- From: Bumpkinland
- Registered: 2009-04-12
- Posts: 84,183

Here is another joke along the same lines.

Q) So Mr. Gates how much are you worth?

A) Oh, between 50 and 70 billion dollars...

**In mathematics, you don't understand things. You just get used to them.I have the result, but I do not yet know how to get it.All physicists, and a good many quite respectable mathematicians are contemptuous about proof.**

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**sasha1grate****Member**- Registered: 2011-07-26
- Posts: 2

i like these jokes

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**anonimnystefy****Real Member**- From: The Foundation
- Registered: 2011-05-23
- Posts: 15,184

hi sasha1grate

welcome to the forum!

Here lies the reader who will never open this book. He is forever dead.

Taking a new step, uttering a new word, is what people fear most. ― Fyodor Dostoyevsky, Crime and Punishment

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**mathy****Member**- Registered: 2011-08-17
- Posts: 6

what i gather from the farm joke is the graduate used alot to invest on nothing while the farmer used nothing to invest on something no wonder the success.

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**CT****Member**- Registered: 2011-09-11
- Posts: 9

An Einstein anecdote:

Einstein was a late bloomer and didn't start talking until he was seven. This made his parents fear he might be slow. Until one night at dinner he said, "The soup is too hot." Relieved his parents asked him why he'd waited so long to speak. He replied, "Up until now, everything was in order."

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**CT****Member**- Registered: 2011-09-11
- Posts: 9

Old mathmaticians never die; they just lose some of their functions.

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**anonimnystefy****Real Member**- From: The Foundation
- Registered: 2011-05-23
- Posts: 15,184

let epsilon be less than zero...

Here lies the reader who will never open this book. He is forever dead.

Taking a new step, uttering a new word, is what people fear most. ― Fyodor Dostoyevsky, Crime and Punishment

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**misheeru****Member**- Registered: 2010-02-18
- Posts: 4,594

Q: What do Apple and the U.S. economy have in common?

A: No Jobs.

Of Moons, Birds and Monsters

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**anonimnystefy****Real Member**- From: The Foundation
- Registered: 2011-05-23
- Posts: 15,184

Mathematical proofs:

* Proof by General Agreement: "All in Favor?..."

* Proof by Plausibility: "It sounds good so it must be true."

* Proof by Accident: "Hey, what have we here?"

* Proof by Tautology: "It's true because it's true."

* Proof by Intimidation: "Don't be stupid, of course it's true."

* Proof by Terror: When intimidation fails ...

* Proof by Logic: "If it is on the problem sheet, then it must be true."

* Proof by Clever Variable Choice: "Let A be the number such that this proof works."

* Proof by Divine Word: "And the Lord said, 'Let it be true,' and it came to pass."

* Proof by Postponement: "The proof for this is so long and arduous, so it is given in the appendix."

* Proof by Avoidance: Limit of Proof by Postponement as t approaches infinity.

* Proof by Stubbornness: "I don't care what you say! It is true!"

* Proof by Authority: "Well, Bill Gates says it's true, so it must be." but i would change this one from Bill Gates to Cameron Diaz.

* Proof by eminent authority: "I saw Karp in the elevator and he said it was probably NP- complete."

* Proof by Divine Intervention: "Then a miracle occurs ..."

* Proof by personal communication: "Eight-dimensional colored cycle stripping is NP-complete [Karp, personal communication]."

* Proof by reference to inaccessible literature: The author cites a simple corollary of a theorem to be found in a privately circulated memoir of the Slovenian Philological Society, 1883.

* Proof by mutual reference: In reference A, Theorem 5 is said to follow from Theorem 3 in reference B, which is shown to follow from Corollary 6.2 in reference C, which is an easy consequence of Theorem 5 in reference A.

* Proof by ghost reference: Nothing even remotely resembling the cited theorem appears in the reference given.

find more here:http://www.onlinemathlearning.com/math- … roofs.html

*Last edited by anonimnystefy (2011-09-14 07:30:36)*

Here lies the reader who will never open this book. He is forever dead.

Taking a new step, uttering a new word, is what people fear most. ― Fyodor Dostoyevsky, Crime and Punishment

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**CT****Member**- Registered: 2011-09-11
- Posts: 9

anonimnystefy, I generally like that.

Only, I don't really understand the 'logic' one and the 'authority' one gets ALOT of people in trouble.

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**anonimnystefy****Real Member**- From: The Foundation
- Registered: 2011-05-23
- Posts: 15,184

well,i think it was meant for student cases,and it means that students don't really check the solutions and/or examples given by work or any sheets for that matter.

Here lies the reader who will never open this book. He is forever dead.

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**bobbym****Administrator**- From: Bumpkinland
- Registered: 2009-04-12
- Posts: 84,183

Proof by ponderousness - A proof is so long no one has the the time or the inclination to check it. They just agree it is correct.

Proof by Ponderosaness - Ben Cartwright said it was good, so Adam Cartwright said it was good, so Little Joe Cartwright said it was good, so Hoss Cartwright said it was good, So Hop Sing said it was good...

**In mathematics, you don't understand things. You just get used to them.I have the result, but I do not yet know how to get it.All physicists, and a good many quite respectable mathematicians are contemptuous about proof.**

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**Sarah Rebekah****Member**- Registered: 2011-09-25
- Posts: 540

:):):):):)

Love is the key to life

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**bobbym****Administrator**- From: Bumpkinland
- Registered: 2009-04-12
- Posts: 84,183

Hi;

Welcome to the forum. Which ones?

I have the result, but I do not yet know how to get it.

All physicists, and a good many quite respectable mathematicians are contemptuous about proof.

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**Leo****Member**- Registered: 2011-12-26
- Posts: 4

Two friends are talking and first friend asks to the other friend

First friend : if there is no water in the world than what we drink

Second friend : we drink the pure milk.

*Last edited by Leo (2011-12-31 00:09:27)*

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**freakygenius17****Member**- Registered: 2012-01-13
- Posts: 1

These make no sense!!!???

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