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**bobbym****Administrator**- From: Bumpkinland
- Registered: 2009-04-12
- Posts: 85,383

That is like saying you can not learn to pull your hand out of the the fire.

**In mathematics, you don't understand things. You just get used to them.Of course that result can be rigorously obtained, but who cares?Combinatorics is Algebra and Algebra is Combinatorics.**

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**zetafunc.****Guest**

But that is instinctive. With women, I feel as though my timing has to be right to increase my chances of getting a yes.

**bobbym****Administrator**- From: Bumpkinland
- Registered: 2009-04-12
- Posts: 85,383

Timing is very important. When they are talking to you they are the most receptive. That is the heat of the moment so to speak. There is no better time. If you do not make a move very early your chances decrease greatly.

**In mathematics, you don't understand things. You just get used to them.Of course that result can be rigorously obtained, but who cares?Combinatorics is Algebra and Algebra is Combinatorics.**

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**zetafunc.****Guest**

I have been having trouble doing that, lately. My confidence has dropped substantially since starting uni. That 3rd year girl (21) stayed behind after class just now and asked me if I wanted to look at her notes. I came across as very indecisive -- she kept saying 'so what do you want to do?'. We walked for about 5 minutes out of class; the only thing I could do for her was open a door that she couldn't open, which isn't saying much. We just had casual conversation -- where we were living, how long it took us to get to uni, etc. And silly me forgot to ask her out again.

The experience made me realise how long it has been since I've talked to women.

**bobbym****Administrator**- From: Bumpkinland
- Registered: 2009-04-12
- Posts: 85,383

What did you say when she asked you?

And silly me forgot to ask her out again.

It does not seem that is bothering you enough yet.

**In mathematics, you don't understand things. You just get used to them.Of course that result can be rigorously obtained, but who cares?Combinatorics is Algebra and Algebra is Combinatorics.**

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**zetafunc.****Guest**

I said something like "okay, I'll have a look". It's definitely bothering me -- it could be that she is waiting for it, who knows. But even so, I don't know if I could take her anywhere she would enjoy. I haven't dated before.

**bobbym****Administrator**- From: Bumpkinland
- Registered: 2009-04-12
- Posts: 85,383

Sounds like she would have enjoyed anything. You are worrying about appearing cheap or inexperienced but you have not learned the major thing. Nothing is as bad as appearing indecisive.

Of course that result can be rigorously obtained, but who cares?

Combinatorics is Algebra and Algebra is Combinatorics.

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**zetafunc.****Guest**

Maybe I could e-mail her, ask her for her number then call her?

**bobbym****Administrator**- From: Bumpkinland
- Registered: 2009-04-12
- Posts: 85,383

Try it but next time do not hesitate.

Of course that result can be rigorously obtained, but who cares?

Combinatorics is Algebra and Algebra is Combinatorics.

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**zetafunc.****Guest**

Never mind, I think she has a boyfriend.

**bobbym****Administrator**- From: Bumpkinland
- Registered: 2009-04-12
- Posts: 85,383

Well of course she has a bf, probably 6 or 7. That might be best for you.

Of course that result can be rigorously obtained, but who cares?

Combinatorics is Algebra and Algebra is Combinatorics.

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**zetafunc.****Guest**

I don't want to get involved with girls who have boyfriends. I will probably end up being hurt emotionally in the end.

**bobbym****Administrator**- From: Bumpkinland
- Registered: 2009-04-12
- Posts: 85,383

Originally, you said you were not interested in commitment. Ones that are already partially involved are perfect for that.

The better looking the girl the more likely she already has several bf's by the time you get there. Unless you find a girl on a deserted island this will always be the case. Girls cheat on their bf's all the time. Cheat on their husbands too. You must decide how you intend to play the dating game, honorably and alone or aggressively with lots of dates.

I will probably end up being hurt emotionally in the end.

You are still holding on to concepts that will not work in the real world. If you remain detached, hurts are impossible. If you are not then hurts are in your future. You will have to ask yourself which hurts more, being alone or being dumped?

Of course that result can be rigorously obtained, but who cares?

Combinatorics is Algebra and Algebra is Combinatorics.

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**zetafunc.****Guest**

I still don't know exactly what I want. I can't seem to find the right balance of detachment. With too much detachment, I lose interest in women completely. With too little, I think about specific girls too often, which is not good in the long-term of course.

One of the girls (the girl who sat next to me in the lecture a while ago) just replied to my e-mail a month later, said she was sorry for the late reply. I don't know if I should respond. I must be pretty low on her priority list if it takes her a month to write 15-20 words.

**bobbym****Administrator**- From: Bumpkinland
- Registered: 2009-04-12
- Posts: 85,383

I think you are trying to analyze this like it was some sort of DE you need to solve. Why second guess her motives and who cares what her reasons are. Of course you should reply. What she thinks of you is extraneous. Are you looking for a wife or a gf?

Detachment does not mean losing interest in girls. It just means losing interest in the outcome of asking them out. If you did your best then you should not care either way. If you did not do your best then think about how you can improve.

Of course that result can be rigorously obtained, but who cares?

Combinatorics is Algebra and Algebra is Combinatorics.

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**zetafunc.****Guest**

I understand what you mean. I am trying to do this, but I can never completely achieve it. Doing something else helps me become detached, but it is still always temporary.

For instance, I asked a girl out (my mentor) a couple of days ago. I tried to call her but she didn't pick up, so I left her a message instead asking her if she wanted to have dinner with me sometime. She hasn't responded, so I presume it's another rejection -- but it doesn't bother me in a way, because I expected that, since from experience it's much better to expect the worst outcome than hope for the best one so prematurely.

**bobbym****Administrator**- From: Bumpkinland
- Registered: 2009-04-12
- Posts: 85,383

What is the best one? You have no idea what it entails when one or more of them says yes! You know nothing about that girl but if you date you will...

Did you reply to the one who returned your message?

Of course that result can be rigorously obtained, but who cares?

Combinatorics is Algebra and Algebra is Combinatorics.

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**zetafunc.****Guest**

I think it is better because at least if she is not the right one for me, I will at least have found out the hard way, rather than thinking about it more.

Who returned my message?

**bobbym****Administrator**- From: Bumpkinland
- Registered: 2009-04-12
- Posts: 85,383

One of the girls (the girl who sat next to me in the lecture a while ago) just replied to my e-mail

That one, did you reply yet?

Of course that result can be rigorously obtained, but who cares?

Combinatorics is Algebra and Algebra is Combinatorics.

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**zetafunc.****Guest**

Oh, her? I've pretty much stopped caring about her. Takes on average 1 month to respond and avoids me in person, clearly not someone to take seriously. I responded to her "sorry for being late" e-mail 2 weeks ago, got nothing back, as expected.

**bobbym****Administrator**- From: Bumpkinland
- Registered: 2009-04-12
- Posts: 85,383

Maybe she is shy and emails are not a good way to ask.

Of course that result can be rigorously obtained, but who cares?

Combinatorics is Algebra and Algebra is Combinatorics.

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**zetafunc.****Guest**

She's not shy, she hangs around other guys all the time engaging in hearty conversation with them. Surely, she has simply decided that I'm not worth her time, so she has found some others who are, right?

**bobbym****Administrator**- From: Bumpkinland
- Registered: 2009-04-12
- Posts: 85,383

Asking for a date is clearly best done in person. The phone gets poor results and there is less chance by email.

Of course that result can be rigorously obtained, but who cares?

Combinatorics is Algebra and Algebra is Combinatorics.

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**zetafunc.****Guest**

I didn't ask her for a date...

**bobbym****Administrator**- From: Bumpkinland
- Registered: 2009-04-12
- Posts: 85,383

Any kind of exchange is pretty weak by email. That is why you should use it sparingly. The phone is only a little bit better.

Of course that result can be rigorously obtained, but who cares?

Combinatorics is Algebra and Algebra is Combinatorics.

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