Ask her again? I do not understand.

The first clue is when they see you locking eyes or gawking at them. This they can sense even when you think they are not looking.

They are conceited and insecure at the same time. They know you like them yet they feel deflated when you do not pursue them.

You are very poor at seeing the signs from the ones that do pursue you. Girls have types that they think they like. You are able to see them pursuing other guys but it is much harder to see it when it is done to you.

Until you abandon that negative attitude you have much less hope of success.

I must tread very carefully here because I know people who are mentally unstable are extremely vulnerable, and... I don't want it to lead to something horrible. Something that I'd never forget.

Okay, I hope so. It was weird seeing her too, she just casually said "I'm going to the mental health hospital", as if it wasn't unusual. And she barely reacted when seeing me. I will try to forget about it though, and she has not been contacting me so she probably does not want to use me as a shoulder.

Oddly, my friend in my physics class today suggested that if I end up going to Cambridge I should give myself a new 'look' before I go, like growing a beard, and he said "you never know, F might find it hot". I do not know why he is mentioning F to me, he has not done so for months.

I'm still in touch with Katie, I'm trying to speed things along with her but it's difficult to get much out of her. But, I have time, still.

I'm not really sure about R at the moment. I tried to push the subject to relationships, but it didn't last long, and when I asked her if she'd ever try a long-distance relationship (because when she goes on her gap year she'll be in another country relative to her partner), and she said no, it would be too problematic. Trying to probe her for more information but from the looks of it, I think her responses tell me that a relationship with her probably isn't on the cards.

I also made a big mistake a few days ago (I think) when I saw both C and IY walking through the corridor, in the opposite direction to me. IY said hi to me and I made eye contact with her, but didn't say anything because C's presence made me get tight. I didn't say anything to C either... I think she tried to look at me but I'm not sure. I may be wrong but I think she tried to smile at me.

I saw R in person and she smiled at me awkwardly -- and then I think another time she saw me but tried not to look at me (tried to catch up with her but she walked quickly into the toilet). I assume she's just a bit afraid to talk to me, because we haven't actually spoken face-to-face in a very long time, and she's likely privy to the fact that I like her a bit.

There are also two new girls I found at the summer school who I'm in contact with. One of them is really into tennis and even played some tournaments, she talks to me every few days. The other seems more sporadic; she usually goes a few days without e-mailing me, but when she does we send lots of e-mails to each other in a short space of time. So at the moment I have quite a few prospects and seeing what I can do with them.

I hope it's nothing too serious, and her brother didn't seem too alarmed. The fact that H's mother was with her, rather than just H on her own, may also mean something. But I'm not reading too much into it...

So... if I see C, I say hello?

Okay, I will do that.

But if she is unattainable, why do my actions toward her matter? If that makes her view me as weak, surely it should not make a difference. It's not like C will say to all her friends "OMG, I rejected a guy and he smiled at me 5 months later! How weak is he?"...

Because I don't like the fact that there is currently awkwardness between us whenever we are in the same room.

It's hard, but I can try. She initially takes my breath away.

Hi;

Sorry for the delay but I needed to sleep and now I have to make a couple of calls to the gas company so there may be more.