I see, I'm sorry to hear that. I think due to the amount of time I have left I probably won't have the chance to have more than 3 tries at it, anyway... sometimes I wonder if all this is worth it at all.

Hmm. I don't know why this is bothering me so much.

I feel like I may have intimidated her somewhat...

Well, to give an example, the other day we were doing mechanics problems in class and we had to find the centre of mass of this weird shape, a bowl with holes in it and cones were sticking out, or something. He had the answer written down on a piece of paper. She asked if her answer was correct, and the teacher said that he's not sure and that maybe the answer on his piece of paper was wrong, but I said "but it is _____" and she didn't argue or anything. I don't want to come across arrogant at all, nowadays whenever she says something I don't try to make her look stupid because I know how it feels and she probably doesn't like it. Unfortunately my maths class is quite cliquey so it's difficult to just sit next to her as it's kind of an 'unspoken seating plan' that I sit where I currently do. But she is very good at pure maths... when we had to change rooms, I sat in front of her and I could hear her whispering to her friend, and when the teacher would say something she'd whisper the answer to herself. I think because everyone is a year older than me in my class, people just think 'oh he knows everything'. Even my teacher is like this and it annoys me. For example, we haven't been taught how to do escape velocities and hard problems involving Newton's law of gravitation. I didn't know the formula so I arrived at the answer by solving an ODE (which I thought was how you were supposed to do it) and my teacher was just laughing and I could tell was just agreeing with everything I said, not even looking at my work.

This is how people are towards me sometimes. They expect me to know everything. I created that demon myself by getting so many answers right, unfortunately. But I just hope this hasn't caused F to have a negative view of me, and, if she does have one, I would like to undo it somehow.

Why is her being intimidated a good thing? Won't that make me more repulsive to her?

But I don't see how me making her scared of me is going to make her want to be with me...

Hmm... I didn't think of that. That's possible... but she might just do that even if I wasn't there. Is she trying to intimidate me, then? Because I didn't find that intimidating, I found it cute. Eh, I don't understand what's going on here...

So why would she be saying the answer behind me?

I try to eavesdrop on them as much as possible. Their conversations almost always involve F helping her friend with maths.

I think she may have been intimidated a bit by my module marks so far this year. They averaged 99%, compared to hers which were about 91%. I don't know if that was really how she felt. When I say something to the teacher though she does glance in my direction but not make eye contact. It's just so strange, I feel like sometimes she is there for the taking, and other times as if she finds me repulsive. I guess that applies to most women.

But that seems kind of contradictory, surely? Why reject someone and try to impress them at the same time?

About 8 weeks or so remain before exam time. That's how much time I have left, and it's being sapped away quickly. It'll feel like a loss if this all amounts to nothing in the end.

Still trying to work out what my next move will be. I feel like forgetting C + S right now, I don't care about them. I think C was just someone I turned to because I got rejected. Hmm, at least now I know that F is still worth going after, even if only a little.

Hmm... this is worrying. Come to think of it, nothing much happened today and yet I feel like I want F as much as I did before. I almost feel back in the same position, with no progress.

Ack, I don't know what to do. We will see what happens tomorrow, there is a slight chance I might see her.

Thanks... Will be seeing C in chemistry for 2 hours tomorrow, wonder if that's worth a pursuit.