Friend.

In my life? I don't know, quite a few times. Not with the same person of course. Sometimes when a guy is mentioned, and they talk about how cute he is, I like to pretend I am that guy for a brief moment to imagine how nice that might feel.

He was going through guys around the room, not just me. He was not singling me out.

But don't I have to do that to an extent to see how I fare against girls? If I am given a rating of 'definitely not' and go on to receive 9/9 rejections, then clearly there must be some truth in that rating. The data does not seem to lie.

Yes, I think everyone got a better rating than me though.

Because I was listening to their conversation. Other comments were, 'ooh, he is nice', 'yum', and 'maybe'. Generally, better than 'definitely not'.

I think they are normal, and something about me is undesirable. I wish I knew exactly what it was.

Okay, see you later.

How do I do that?

They will probably say that I am too ugly or I don't socialise enough or something.

Well, what else could be the reason? That they are racist or something?

Also, I just came back from the Saturday class, thankfully I got to work with a girl called Katie -- she was quite nice and very quiet, softly-spoken. She seemed to like talking to me but I got annoyed when we were sent to different rooms in different groups, and mine contained only boys (no Katie). That was the last time I got to spoke to her. Unfortunately, could not get her number/e-mail.

HOWEVER, I do know what her e-mail address is, since I saw it on the mailing list. But she might think I'm weird for e-mailing her for no apparent reason, so I could possibly invent a reason.

My country has never started any wars or anything, so clearly not political. Most do not even know where it is.

I thought about e-mailing her but not sure what I would say. I don't want to create some sort of awkwardness either since I will have to be seeing her every 2 weeks until December (i.e. what happens if I have to work with her?).

Then, nothing. However, three of the other people there go to the same school as her, so if they catch wind that I e-mailed her then they might figure that I like her, and thus act differently towards me or something.

R replied too, it was a bit shorter than usual and she didn't ask me any questions, though...

I don't know if I like her or I am just pursuing her on the basis that she is a decent-looking woman, which seems a bit pathetic. Recently I am starting to consider almost every girl as a possibility which might wreak of desperation.

Not sure if she is away yet -- she did not mention that. I am going to ask her when I reply.

I want to try to shorten the length of the e-mails with R over time, so replies are quicker and it also provides a nice format for 'short, quick and personal'-esque questions.

I hope I do not come off as a creep. Then again, who cares, I might not see her again. (She's applying to Cambridge too though so... I might.)

I just thought of something. Today, we were doing trig functions, trig equations, trig identities. I found it a bit boring, although some were nice. I had to expand cos(6x), so Katie used the cos(A+B) thing, and I just used De Moivre's because I had using that addition formula several times. Since we had to work on the question together, she first said "okay, let's expand with the addition formula", then I said to use DM instead. She said she'd seen the identity before, but never seen it used for this. Maybe I could send her an e-mail asking her where she'd seen it before?

Yes, I want to shorten the e-mails. It's becoming a chore for both of us to reply, I feel. Plus, if I write a long e-mail, I run the risk of her putting it off for a few days -- which might be bad because she might decide to reply after she returns from Amsterdam. Which would not be good.