At New York's Kennedy airport today an individual was arrested, later determined to be a public school teacher, trying to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a slide rule, and a calculator. The Home Land Security believes the man is a member of the notorious Al-gebra movement. The man was being charged with carrying weapons of math instruction. "Al-gebra is a very fearsome movement, indeed", the Home Land Security reported. "They desire average solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on a tangents in a search of absolute value. They consist of shadowy figures, with names like "x" and "y", and, although they are frequently referred to as "unknowns", we know they really belong to a common denominator and are part of the axis of medieval with coordinates in every country. "As the great Greek philanderer Isosceles used to say, there are three sides to every triangle." When the President was asked to comment on the arrest, he said, "If God had wanted us to have better weapons of math instruction, he would have given us more fingers and toes."
A senior citizen picked up his brand new Corvette convertible and drove out of the car dealership. As he is going down the road, he decides to floor it up to 80 mph, enjoying the wind passing through the little hair he had. "Amazing," he felt as he flew down the I-90, he jams the pedal down even more as he looks in his rear view mirror, he sees a state trooper right behind him, lights a flashing and siren a blaring. So he floored it to 100 mph, then 110, then 120 .. suddenly he thought, "What am I doing I'm too old for this!" and pulls over to await the trooper's arrival. The trooper pulling in behind him, walked up to the Corvette, looked at his watch and said, "Sir, my shift ends in 30 minutes. Today is Friday. If you can give me one good reason for your speeding that I've never heard of before, I'll let you go on your way." Well the senior citizen paused. Then explained that "Years ago, my wife ran off with a State Trooper and I thought you were bringing her back to me!" "Very well! Have a good day, sir," replied the trooper.