Pupil: No I got them all wrong by myself !

Teacher, I can't solve this problem.

Any five year old should be able to solve this one.

No wonder I can't do it then, I'm nearly ten !

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Q: Why did the topologist's marriage fail?

A: Because he thought that arbitrary unions were open

Math problems? Call 1-800-[(10x)(13i)2]-[sin(xy)/2.362x

Q: Why do you rarely find mathematicians spending time at the beach?

A: Because they have sine and cosine to get a tan and don't need the sun!

A woman in a bar tries to pick up a mathematician.

"How old, do you think, am I?" she asks coyly.

"Well - 18 by that fire in your eyes, 19 by that glow on your cheeks, 20 by that radiance of your face, and adding that up is something you can probably do for yourself..."

I did not get that one either.

]]>I especially liked the 'timber' joke.

It reminded me of a lesson I had many years ago.

True story.

I had given out a maths book which had the answers in the back. Good for conscientious students as they could check their own answers but obviously open to abuse.

The questions were:

(1) How many lines of symmetry does a rectangle have?

(2) What is the order of rotational symmetry of an equilateral triangle.

(3) Draw a shape that has no lines of symmetry but has rotational symmetry of order 2.

Here are the answers that one student wrote:

(1) **2** (2) **3** (3) **Show your answer to your teacher.**

Bob

]]>Teacher: What is 2k + k?

Student: 3000!

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Q:What do you get if you divide the cirucmference of a jack-o-lantern by its diameter?

A: Pumpkin Pi!

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A math student is pestered by a classmate who wants to copy his homework assignment. The student hesitates, not only because he thinks it's wrong, but also because he doesn't want to be sanctioned for aiding and abetting.

His classmate calms him down: "Nobody will be able to trace my homework to you: I'll be changing the names of all the constants and variables: a to b, x to y, and so on."

Not quite convinced, but eager to be left alone, the student hands his completed assignment to the classmate for copying.

After the deadline, the student asks: "Did you really change the names of all the variables?"

"Sure!" the classmate replies. "When you called a function f, I called it g; when you called a variable x, I renamed it to y; and when you were writing about the log of x+1, I called it the timber of x+1..."

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Q: How does one insult a mathematician?

A: You say: "Your brain is smaller than any e>0!"